Excerpted from Please Understand Me II Copyright © 1998 by David Keirsey
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right -- for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
The root of most, if not all, arguments and misunderstandings are conflicting priorities. Often those priorities are rooted in your personality type. Of course we can’t lump all people neatly into the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) 16 personality types, but they do offer insight into how others think and approach the world. Learning this, keeping it in mind and recognizing the value of all the personality and temperament types has helped me immensely in both my professional and personal life. At work it has helped me to understand the incredibly annoying co-worker. It has also helped me understand my brothers better. It has made the most positive impact on my romantic relationship though. For fun I took the cheesy online quiz: The Best Personality Type for You Test and got the following results:
What's my type?
INTJ The Mastermind
You scored 25 I versus E, 40 N versus S, 100 F versus T, and 80 J versus P!
Your ideal romantic partner is known as the Mastermind. As a romantic partner, this type can be both fascinating yet demanding. They are not apt to express their emotions, leaving their partners wondering where they are with them. They strongly dislike repeating themselves or listening to the disorganized process of sorting through emotional conflicts. They see their own commitments as self-evident and don't see the need to repeat something already expressed. They have the most difficulty in admitting their vulnerabilities. They feel the most appreciated when their partners admire the quality of their innovations and when they listen respectfully to their ideas and advice. They need plenty of quiet to explore their interests to the depth that gives them satisfaction.The group summary: rationals (NT)The type summary: INTJ
Interesting to note that my honey is an INTJ.